How to balance between
A. 1 Peter 3:1 win without a word
B. Eph 4:29 only such a word as is good for edification
C. Matthew 18: 15-17 If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private.
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A. Matthew 18:15 “If your BROTHER sins , go and show him his fault in private; if he listens and pays attention to you, you have won back your brother.
Application of this verse is: believers in General: One believer to another believer. Because there is a teaching for wives in Particular (1 Peter), the Matt 8:15 (general) rule will be superseded by the (pangingibabawan ng) 1 Peter 3 (particular) teaching and therefore does not apply to us when we are thinking of showing husband’s fault to him, even if in private. To do so would be to usurp God’s role (seize God’s throne for oneself) of preaching to or convicting your husband of sin — sometimes referred to as the sin of being Holy Spirit Jr.; this can also be viewed as trying to play God in husband’s life to change him which is God’s job. If we reflect on the things we want to change in ourselves and have at least one thing we have not been able to change perfectly (such as controling, nagging, prioritizing husband over God, being critical or self-righteous, etc.), we may find that the Lord is calling us to first attend to fixing our own accountability to Him (Matt 7:35). Wives can review the curse of Eve to desire to control her husband (Gen 3:16 NLT)
CONCLUSION: NOT APPLICABLE
B. 1 Peter 3:1b win over without a word
AMP “so that even if some {husbands} do not obey the word [of God], they may be won over [to Christ] without discussion by the godly lives of their wives”
Application of this verse: Husband, specially one WHO DOES NOT OBEY WORD OF GOD (UNBELIEVER)/ is in sin/ considers himself above the law of God.
The words “SO THAT” indicate a purpose in going the “Do Not Speak” route which is to “Win Over” the husband. When our purpose is to win over (that is to persuade, change the mind/ action of husband, make him agree with us), be silent.
Instead, the verse says that for husband to be won over TO CHRIST, wife: without a word live out the Christlike life. Through actions of being a respectful, humble, Holy -Spirit- filled suitable helpmeet who forgives, loves (in action with all love languages), blesses, serves our own husband, this is what may win him over to Christ—- developing his own accountability to Christ so that whether wife is present or absent, husband will feel compelled (by God) to do the right thing.
The complete verse shows that being silent when wanting to persuade husband is not being passive nor weak nor inferior, but having the courage to operate by faith in God that in our Spirit-filled silence and obedient actions/ words / heart towards God; we understand that husband will be made to account to God for how he lives out being a husband (Romans 14:12); no one gets away with sin (Ex 34:7; Heb 13:4; 1 Pet 3:7); man can plan and say many things but it is the Lord’s will that will prevail (Prov 19:21). Following God’s way/ design gives room for God to speak to husband while trusting in our own words or requesting someone to deliver our words (instead of trusting God) to change husband puts us in disobedience {to “nagging displeases God (Prov 21:9; 21:19; 27:15)} and hinders our prayers (Psalm 66:18).
1 Peter 3:1 AMP In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate, not as inferior, but out of respect for the responsibilities entrusted to husbands and their accountability to God, and so partnering with them] so that even if some do not obey the word [of God], they may be won over [to Christ] without discussion by the godly lives of their wives,.
CONCLUSION: WHEN OUR PURPOSE IS TO PERSUADE HUSBAND, BE SILENT.
C: Ephesians 4:29 : Speak wholesome words that are edifying
“Do not let unwholesome [foul, profane, worthless, vulgar] words ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good for BUILDING UP OTHERSACCORDING TO THEIR NEED, AND THE OCCASION, PURPOSE : SO THAT IT WILL BE a BLESSING to those who hear [you speak].”Ephesians 4:29 AMP
Application of this Verse: all people (including husband)
In this verse, the purpose is to be a blessing and to build others up (believers or unbelievers). Use this guideline generously to all including to your husband. It is validated by the command to show ways to honor and be respectful to husband:
1 Peter 3:2 AMPC 2 When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your [a]reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].
CONCLUSION: USE GENEROUSLY TO HUSBAND
When conflicted as to how to approach your husband towards his sin, may we recommend these webcasts:
“Winning Your Husband to The Lord” (https://www.youtube.com/live/h1CaDIMCy1gsi=QprMLH6U4voOE3cS)
“When You Want Your Husband to Change” (https://www.youtube.com/live/E8BTVsyRb8c?si=b_tCB6bl2q27x4sh)