“The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him.” Psalm 28:7
It was the last week of September 2017, during my quiet time, when God spoke to me very clearly as if He were in front of me preparing and comforting me:
“TRUST ME on this, I will never leave you; I’m with you in this trial.”
I cried a lot. I don’t know why I was crying. I said, “Lord, thank You, I do not understand, but please don’t leave me when that situation comes. You did not leave me in the past years. I trust You. I know You. You will be with me on this.”
Then came first week of October 2017. I had a dream: a snake dancing on my bed. I woke up nervous. I thought it was just a simple dream.
Later on I realised that it was a vision, a revelation after I found out that my husband was having an affair with someone who worked for me.
I had been suffering from too much pain in the past years from situations that almost made me insane. This one was another disappointment. I said, “Lord? Again? I thought graduate na ko. Hindi pa pala. From the years of sorrow… meron pa pala…
But God gave me the grace to forgive and He sustained me.
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25…
“As sorrowful yet always rejoicing, as poor yet making many rich, as having nothing yet possessing all things.” 2 Cor 6:10
Then I said, “Lord it is very painful. Give me again the grace to forgive, stand firm, and walk with you, leaving things behind, because You are bigger than my trials.”
After forgiveness was asked and assurances made, I thought it was over but after ten months, I discovered it did not stop. Not just with one, two, nor three…
Down on my knees, I cried to the Lord, magkasabay na tulo ang sipon at luha, I opened my bible then God directed me to this verse:
“Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.” Psalms 55:22
Then He led me to another verse:
“Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.” Isaiah 40:31.
The Lord gave me strength. He gave me enough grace to forgive the same way He has forgiven my million sins.
I thought close na kami ni Lord noon. I realized, hindi pa pala masyado hehe… I thank God because now, I got to know Him more intimately. And because of this, if I were to choose now, I would still choose the same life with my trials, my pains.
I prayed… hard. I haven’t stopped praying since. I pray when I take showers. I pray even in my deep sleep. I pray when I am in a bus, when I eat, when I work. I never stopped… because He said, “Pray without ceasing.” (1 Thess 5:16).
Almost two years have passed. My problems did not stop but now, I thank God, because those difficulties lead me more to Him.
In may daily prayers, I would always tell Him, “Do not take this brokenness from me if this will bring intimacy to You. …
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.” Psalm 34:18-19.
In Romans 5:3-4, I am constantly reminded that we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.
Then I saw the Lord’s hand of mercy slowly change my situation. God knew exactly what He was doing. By His grace and help, my husband and I are now attending CCF, and we are in a small group together studying God’s word. We also participated in CCF’s January 6-11 2020 Prayer and Fasting as we dedicate this year to the Lord, knowing that He who began a good work in us, will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Phil 1:6).
We are still works-in-progress. Submitting to Him this year 2020! I am excited about what the Lord is cooking for us. To God be the Glory!