IA: 2 Corinthians 12:10
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
How are we going to handle triggers and provocations in our marriage?
We all know that only Jesus is the answer to all our struggles in life. It is very difficult to deal with adultery. Once you decide to reconcile or if the prodigal husband returns to give it another try, the problems do not get resolved right away. For the aggrieved party (wife) you will really have to overcome triggers and provocations …. we always come to Jesus every time we are provoked. We have to learn how to process the pain once we are reminded of the sin. We have to always remind ourselves that it is the sin we hate and not the sinner, for Jesus also died for that sinner. Do not react right away, zip your lips, pray and listen to what Jesus is telling you. Do not leave your post even if you feel nothing is working.
In any circumstance, always: FORGIVE, LOVE and BLESS
Leave the job of changing our prodigal husbands to Jesus, He alone can change his heart. Trust the Lord that whatever situation we are in, no matter how difficult and painful it is for our good and it will bring us closer to the Lord. Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.
God is in control …. God is good all the time!
OD: We need to be alert always when we are triggered and provoked especially by our husbands. Our husband is not our enemy but it is Satan who wants us to be discouraged and disappointed when our husband says or does something against us. Before, I always withdrew from my husband when I would hear things from him that are hurtful but now since I know that my weapon is God’s word, nagpepray na ako ngayon and rebuke the enemy. So when I face my husband and talk to him again, I am not defensive in my words and actions. Thanks Sis Elaine for this great message.
OA: I agree with Sis Elaine that God is giving us triggers for us to have an opportunity to make things right. He is a God of many chances. And I thank the Lord for that. I also struggle a lot in this area. There are times I am at peace regardless of the triggers but I need to always seek the Holy Spirit to always respond with respect, love, and grace.
DU: I learned today that identifying our triggers will help us be released from them. Processing it in a strategy God designed uniquely for us is one of the keys. Knowing God that He is good and that He alone is in control will enable us to surrender it all to Him for He is strong in our weaknesses. In that way, we can be sensitive to His ultimate truth that includes His instructions, directions, wisdom, purpose, processes, and promises for us.
OZ: I remember this was a usual tagline from my husband when he was still here in our home, “O ano, triggered ka na naman? Kelan ba mawawala yang mga triggers mo?”
I also asked myself and to the Lord before, “Lord kelan nga ba?” Back then, I was not a soldier of God! Sadly, I was a soldier of the enemy. I thought that my husband was also the enemy! Forgive me, Lord for fighting against You, but now I know better. And I know God meant for everything to happen, for God to take me away from the enemy’s camp and fight alongside with Him! But I just need to be still and surrender everything to Him! I will fight the battle with prayers to God!
It’s comforting to know that what the enemy meant for evil, God intended it for good. (Gen 50:20) Thank you Lord for your plans are always GOOD, PLEASING, and PERFECT.
So now when triggers fall on my lap or every time I am provoked, I will now and always turn to God’s promises! My bow and arrow 🏹 are God’s promises to never harm me nor forsake me nor abandon me.
God is in control! God is Good! God is my Rescuer! God is my Refuge! AMEN!
EC: When triggered and provoked I let God do the battle. All I need to do is to kneel down or lay prostrate, cry to my Father or while crying I sing praise to Him claiming His promises. I meditate on them day and night and put them in my heart knowing who I am in Jesus. It gives me comfort believing that there is power in the name of Jesus.
Hebrews 13:5 Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,”
Hebrews 13:6 so that we confidently say, “The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?”
Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
Psalms 56:8 You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?
Psalms 56:9 Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call; This I know, that God is for me.
Isaiah 54:5 “For your husband is your Maker, Whose name is the Lord of hosts; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth.
Isaiah 54:17 “No weapon that is formed against you will prosper; And every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, And their vindication is from Me,” declares the Lord.
Joshua 1:5 No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you.
TR: I immerse myself in verses on being still. I am just holding on to God’s promises.
Ecclesiastes3:7 “A time to test and a time to mend. A time to be silent and a time to speak.”
James1:18 “Everyone should be
quick to listen, slow to become angry.”
1Thessalonians4:11-12 “And to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we commanded you, so that you will behave properly toward outsiders and not be in any need.”
Most especially the last verse, only because mine is a different situation-our separation not involving an “OW”.
VR: Triggers and provocations will always be used by Satan to deter us from becoming the wife God has intended us to be – but it comforts me to know that we have a SOVEREIGN GOD who makes everything work out according to His plans. (Eph 1:11) and we have a GOOD GOD (Psalm 100:5) the Lord is good His love endures forever.
Humility is the key. I also have to remember that God chose to forgive me in all my sinfulness so I have to train my eyes and heart to see my husband as God sees him. Help me Lord to focus on you and the healing and freedom you have in store for me and all the women here in PWF.
Thanking God in advance for our godly responses to future provocations and triggers.
AE: Eph 6:12 NIV
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
1 Peter 5:8-9 NIV
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
Our enemy is not our husbands/love ones or people around us but Satan who is using them to attack us. I should always wear my armor which is the word of God, meditate or recite scriptures/God’s promises when Satan is attacking us and most of all, pray. We should always rely and surrender to the Holy Spirit to control us not our emotions/knowledge.
AA1: Most of the time when we are provoked and triggered we always react. As a Christian, I learned to pause, be calm, and respond in a godly manner in the situation. God allows everything to happen, even troubles in our lives but He is in control. We need to meditate and pray what is God trying to teach us. Overcoming these triggers through repenting on our past mistakes, forgiving and humbly accepting the test. We should also know who the real enemy is, that provokes us to sin and look at the person as Jesus does. God hates the sin but love the sinners.
AO2: Key Truths for Equipping the Wife in Handling Triggers (inanimate stimuli that remind her of past pain or current heartache) and Provocations (a person’s deliberate act or speech intended to elicit a particular [negative] response:
1. God is sovereign (in control, has authority over everything, His plans always prevail; everything that happens is allowed by Him and will be used by Him for the good of those who love Him. He makes everything work out according to His plan.
2. God is good. His character, behaviour, purposes are all good. He is the source of everything good. Even what the enemy intends for evil, God intends for good.
With the goal of responding in thought word and deed in a godly manner to all expected triggers and provocation, it’s important to understand the reality of spiritual warfare. The enemy comes ONLY to steal kill and destroy and will use people or even inanimate objects to take our focus away from God where victory is. If we are not intentional about renewing, prepping, disciplining our minds thru His word and most importantly, OBEYing His word, we will be defeated before the provocation comes.
Victory is achievers by Gods grace thru intentional SPIRIT-LED Scripture-aligned VICTORY STRATEGIES, knowing that victory is not by power nor might but by the Spirit of the Lord.
A. Recognize the trigger and its accompanying thinking
1. Identify the trigger
2. Write down exact thoughts and emotions
3. Ask who what when why how
B. Reflect on the attributes of God and repent.
C. Meditate on God’s truth (engage in gratitude, thankful for reminder that we need Savior in Jesus; that past sin and hurt humbles us and pushes us to know Jesus; embrace promises of God)
Re the provoker:
A. Remember Jesus loves the provoker
B. Jesus does not minimize the sin of provoker
C. Jesus will do what is right for the provoker
D. I need to focus on a Jesus and the healing and freedom He has for me
Triggers and provocations are opportunities for growth thru trial—- exactly what is needed so we can grow mature and complete, not lacking anything.
For Christ’s sake I delight in weakness INSULTS persecution difficulties for when I am weak, I am strong.
AA2: As a human being we tend to react negatively when we are triggered or provoked. As we know God’s purpose and as we go deeper in our walk with Him, I am always reminded that God is in control. I also learned that these are also schemes by the enemy, he knows where our weaknesses are, knows when or how to attack.
I am being triggered by the name – – – -, that’s the name of the OW. Since I knew about the affair the[generic] word – – – – changed the meaning of it in my life. Sabi ko nun siya lang ung – – – – na nakakawala ng pagasa. I even can’t use hope in a sentence or in a conversation I tend to change with another word.
But as soon as I learned to forgive my husband and the other woman I delight in the word hope. Jesus reminded me that Hope is not about a person or just merely a name. But it’s about the promise of the Lord. Jesus gives us hope, that hope is Jesus.
Meditate on God’s truth!
Engage in gratitude:
Always give thanks! As I look back how my life was, how I react to certain things which are not pleasing to the Lord I can only shake my head. I am thankful with this brokenness because God helped me to fix my eyes on Him. I know that God disciplines me because He loves me and He doesn’t want me to ho astray.
Hebrews 12: 10-11
10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Embrace a promise:
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you(A) so that you might go and bear fruit(B)—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you
AE2: See each trigger and provocation as an opportunity to see God more clearly and for all that He is. His greatness, goodness, sovereignty.
Shift the focus from me, my pain, my husband’s faults and offenses, to God’s attributes and promises, and His finished work on the cross.
When I feel rejected by my husband, when I feel the pangs of jealousy, and the sting of bitterness, I will remember that a perfect God chose me and loves me unconditionally and eternally. Turn it all over to God and let His love spread over me to control the destructive thoughts and feelings.
Engage in gratitude. Focus on what I have and not on what I don’t have. I realized how God is blessing me in my pain and struggles and how he has spared me of greater hurts.
With God’s enabling, I need to prepare, arm and equip myself for battle—- His battle. Go through the painstaking process of processing the triggers to be increasingly and consistently Christlike in the way I relate with my husband. Learn to be compassionate. Hate the sin. Not the sinner. My husband also married a sinner. See my husband as a fellow soldier, fighting this battle alongside me. We are on the same side. God has put us here.
Embrace God’s Words and His Promises. Soak myself in the His Word for that is my true weapon and my healing balm.
Cling to God’s promise that this marriage is His idea. It has His blessing and anointing. He does not make mistakes. He is committed to restoring it in His time.
EAB: Before, when I see a woman who has long dark hair, tattoo, dress up sexy ( kita na ang kaluluwa 😂😂😂) maputi, red horse beer, alfonso drink, my old wall paper (kasi nakita ko yung wall paper sa condo nila ni OW same sa wallpaper ko sa bahay dahil dati pumupunta sa bahay si OW), sumasakit ang ulo ko super bigat ng pakiramdam ko feeling ko yung BP ko 260/260 😂😂😂. But when I came to know my Lord and surrendered to him all my pains, fixed my eyes on him, slowly he started to redirect my life, able to forgive, realization of my own sins not just their sins, able even to thank OW in my mind because if not for her I would not run to God, I would not have a personal relationship with him, I would not have the joy, peace, happiness despite my husband abandoning us. Even if the intention of the enemy is to destroy me, God made it for my own good. I accepted God into my life, by grace I am able to receive my salvation, able to see the beauty of life again, able to meet godly people, able to repent of my sins, learn to accept that I am not righteous, God humbled me, so many beautiful things that he has done in my life. I know he is working in my husband as well. I may not see it but I believe he is working in each of us because God loves the sinners but not the sins. I will continuously pray for my husband and I know one day He will return him to us for God is a great healer and restorer. I am also praying for Ate Gurl that she will find a man who is right for her and not someone else’s husband— hurting his family; that she will seek God and find refuge in Him.
Compiled by Rigel