When Husband Refuses Intimacy

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This post is lovingly dedicated to the dear sister who has been gifted with articulating tough questions.

Q: “What if the husband doesn’t want intimacy and the wife wants? Should the wife just leave the room, sleep in another room or vice versa because it’s torturous?… There is another woman.”

This is a tough situation, Sis, but probably more common than thought to be specially when the husband is on a prodigal season. You are not alone; God is with you and compassionate for you.

As with all the tough questions, let’s look for His encouragement in His Word. Anyone reading this with more biblical insights, please kindly share in the comments section.

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV.

Some people have to do without food, some have to do without sight or hearing, mobility, financial support, children, some have no husband at all. Each person has a trial. The worst situation though is to be without God.

“For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God?”
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭4:17‬ ‭NIV‬

I would suggest for a wife to triple-time on crying out to God for this season and apply Matt 6:33, Seek we first the kingdom of God and all [our needs] will be added unto us. He knows our needs and He is able to still the natural because He is greater than our hearts (1John 3:20). This situation did not surprise Him and He has a plan to prosper you and not to harm you but to give you hope and a future. Jer 29:11

In the meantime, this is a very POTENT form of fasting during which you can ask Him for the right heart and if you use this as your spiritual weapon of warfare, “the prayer of a righteous woman is powerful and effective,” (James 5:16) God can use this time to cause powerful breakthroughs for you.

Even in this—- the husband’s blatant disobedience to 1Cor 7:2-5 [and the Lord promises to not only avenge (punish His enemies (Deut 7:10), the disobedient) but also to repay (pay back the oppressed (Rom 12:10) according to His ability] —-Husband is instrumental to drive Wife into the loving arms of her faithful able loving Savior Redeemer Strength Provider Sufficiency Affirmer and Heavenly Eternal Husband .

Praying in Jesus’s name that the wife going thru such a situation / season be given the same gift God gave Paul in 1Cor 7:7 to have no need for intimacy with a spouse and be supernaturally freed released delivered from this physical thirst; that He hold each one in the palm of His hand sustaining her by His All powerful Spirit, overwhelmingly sufficient grace and that as she mourns the loss of earthly husband’s affection and her flesh deprived in the physical realm, she would FEAST on her Heavenly Husband’s unli love in the glorious heavenly realm where no eye has seen, no ear heard, no human mind has conceived what the Lord has prepared for those who love Him (1Cor 2:9) in Jesus’s name amen.

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭3:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life.”
‭‭John‬ ‭6:63‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“On the final and climactic day of the Feast, Jesus took his stand. He cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Rivers of living water will brim and spill out of the depths of anyone who believes in me this way, just as the Scripture says.” John 7:37-38 MSG

“Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”” John‬ ‭4:10, 13-14, 24‬ ‭NIV‬‬

(Worship : surrender of every part of our lives to God; lose oneself in the adoration of Him)


Here is some info on fasting:

The CCF site links on fasting are down yet but the info from Ptr Joey Bonifacio’s book on fasting (I highly recommend) are below:


Chapter Titles: 1 Unveiling the Mystery; 2 From Duty to Delight; 3 From Deprivation to Desire; 4 From Desperation to Devotion; 5 From Disorder to Design; 6 from Diet to Deposit; 7 From Drunkenness to Divine Discontent; 8 From Disdain to Discovery; 9 From Divorced to Dearest; 10 Mystery Unveiled.


This reply is from Malu Tiongson-Ortiz (Counselor, Bestselling Author, Radio and TV Host, Haggai Institute, Maui faculty member):

“It is painful when the wife wants intimacy and her husband rejects her. There could be several reasons why:

  1. There’s another woman.
  2. Husband may be taking some medication that decreases his desire for intimacy.
  3. Husband may have erectile dysfunction.
  4. Husband resents wife because of her character; he is turned off.
  5. Stress from work.

We also need to examine ourselves what we do that pushes our husbands to turn to the mistress. Sometimes, sex life can become boring so we need to find ways how to spark the fire again.

I dont think moving to another room is the right thing to do. Pride hinders us from seeing God’s power to change our husband. If we want to win their hearts, we need to let them see our change. We need to be patient. They need to see Jesus in us for them to be attracted to us again. Keep praying for your husband and ask God to fill you with His love and make you feel complete even without sex.

I have been celibate for 12 1/2 years. By God’s grace I do not long for sex at all. Even if my husband is with abother woman, I still choose to love him and wait upon the Lord to touch his heart. Rejection is part of my life na but it can never rob my joy. My joy comes from the Lord! Praise Him who is able to meet my every need!❤️😀🙏

Holy Spirit, fill every part of us to overflowing! How we need You every single day! Help us, guide us, and help us hold every thought captive to the mind of Christ.

Worship Song: Oceans:


I’m waiting for Dawn Urquico’s reply along with a possible date for a PWF Question and Answer Forum event. Thank you for articulating the tough questions, Sis. 🙏

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