THIS IS MY STORY
Or maybe I should say, This is God’s Story in my life.
Early February 2018, I found out that my husband had been cheating on me for the last five years. In an instant, my life was destroyed. I was sleepless and in shock after I found out. I could not think or feel anything. I could not even cry. We were already living apart for almost a year at that time.
Eventually, I chose to pray…
As I prayed, these were the messages the Lord impressed upon me:
1. STEP BACK- This is God’s work. He will give me justice. Exodus 14:13 “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you.”
2. WITHOUT A WORD- I do not need to vent my anger and fight it out with my husband. God will fight this battle for me and of course, He will win!
Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
Romans 12:19 “Do not take revenge… But leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is Mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord.“
3. DAY BY DAY- I will take it one day at a time. The Lord is faithful. I know I will see the work of God in my husband’s life.
As I continued to pray, these were more of God’s messages to me:
4. I will be beautiful in Jesus’ eyes- I don’t need to make myself beautiful again to win back my husband. I will only need to please and be beautiful to the One who truly loves me- my Savior and Lord, Jesus. Jesus will never leave me nor forsake me. To be a person of godly character is what will make me beautiful.
5. I will live out God’s purpose for my life. When I have done my purpose for which I was created, I will go home to into my Savior’s loving embrace.
However, I am no angel!
I know these are what God wants me to do but I struggled with them.
It isn’t easy to STEP BACK. Every ounce of my being wanted me to seek justice and devise every evil revenge I thought I absolutely had the right to do. Buti na lang I was held back by reading and re-reading God’s messages to me, which I wrote as a reminder to myself.
Although I had chosen not to confront my husband of his sin because of God’s message to me of WITHOUT A WORD, every word of hate, vileness, anger and bitterness, I expressed to my children, my siblings and my husband’s siblings. I wished God’s wrath in full to fall upon him. Because of this, I caused one of my sisters to stumble. My emotional state caused my siblings to rally behind me and it was my sister who gave a volley of hateful, despicable words to confront my husband. It was after about two weeks that she confessed to me that she confronted him because they couldn’t stand that I chose to be non-confrontational.
DAY BY DAY, I saw myself hurt, abandoned when I was already in my senior year, sick of diabetes, cardiovascular disease and painful arthritis. I was filled with rage that I could not even cry. I was too bitter that I knew I could not see my husband at this point in my life, so he better not show his face to me. I told my children that they need to pray for their Dad because if they don’t, their Dad will be at the mercy of God’s discipline. I could not pray for somebody who has hurt me deeply. All I had in my heart that had become a heart of stone was to curse my husband and desire his downfall.
On March 6, a fire broke out in the squatters’ area behind our subdivision. The fire came up to three houses away from my house and the wind was blowing in the direction of my house. This was a terrifying ordeal that made me realize that I was going to grow old alone, sick, helpless, and wouldn’t know what to do during times like these. Finally, for the first time since I found out about my husband’s adultery, I was shaken to the core with fear and sobbed so hard, so hard… like I faced death.
God once again showed me His comforting omnipresence by surrounding me with His angels through so many family and friends, and my husband’s brother, to show their love, concern and support. They all assured me that they would be with me with whatever help I may need. I calmed down and felt stronger after this ordeal.
June 2, 2018 was the graduation of my youngest child. For the first time, with all the commencement events of all our three children, from pre-school, grade school, high school, college and medical school for my daughter, I sat alone at the Parents’ seat while my husband sat as a guest in a separate area. I was trembling in deep anger and questioned God why I had to suffer and be hurt by the consequences of his sin?! HIS SIN!!! Why?!!!
Still, I waited and continued to wait on the Lord…
God’s ways are higher than our ways. As He has promised in Romans 8:28 “And we know that in ALL things, God works for the GOOD of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” It will be His timetable, not mine; His will, not mine; His purpose to accomplish, not my purpose and plans.
In June, with my business partner and another officemate, we decided to do a one-meal fast every Friday for the whole month of June, mainly to pray for the business. As I prayed and fasted, the Lord impressed upon my heart that I should start praying for my husband. I started to pray for his soul and that he will desire to make right his relationship with God. Take note, I wasn’t praying for a reconciliation with me as this is not a desire of my heart up to this point.
Also, on June 27-30, we had a church-wide mid-year prayer and fasting. The messages were about brokenness, being broken for what breaks the heart of God; being merciful, and being a peacemaker. I didn’t realize what God had been doing to my heart until this series of events opened my eyes.
On the last day of fasting, my son came home with a severe headache and high fever. I brought him to the E.R. When the doctors could not find out the cause of his ailment from the blood tests, they decided to have him admitted. I had to send a text message to my husband, with whom I had not been communicating, to inform him of our son’s condition.
My husband came to visit the next day, July 1. I was surprised with myself that I was able to face him, without bitterness or hatred in my eyes. Wow! What did God do to my heart? Only a month ago, I was trembling with hate for being alone in the Parents’ seat at the graduation. This day I am calm and cordial. There was no effort at all for me to be friendly. It just came naturally! Pag pinag pe-pray mo pala ang tao, nagkakaroon ka ng forgiveness and compassion sa puso mo. Our son was confined for four days and my husband visited everyday. He would buy food for us for dinner and breakfast. He was doting on us, like he used to. All tests of our son proved negative: dengue, leptospirosis, sinusitis, UTI. I think this was the work of God. He used this sickness to show me the work He is doing in my life.
There were several more times we met due to transactions where we had to sign documents or events we had to attend together. On July 21, my other son arranged to have a family get-together. This was the first time after more than a year where both my husband and I were present. These family get togethers were once upon a time our regular Sunday bi-monthly bonding.
Our conversations have been cordial and pleasant. No accusing or convicting words from me. That is not my job. My husband has not asked for forgiveness and he is still committing adultery against me and continues to live in sin with his mistress.
And yet, I am amazed with what God has done to my heart. I am at peace with my God and there is no longer hatred in my heart. I am finally able to be obedient to God’s commandment in 1John 4: 19-21. “We love because He first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother or sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And He has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.”
I have found reconciliation with my God! I have found peace in my heart. I no longer need to have a husband to be happy. I have found completeness in Christ alone.
The Passion Translation (TPT) of God’s promise in Romans 8:28 gives me peace: “So we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together to fit into God’s perfect plan of bringing good into our lives, for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfill his designed purpose.“
Today I am “IN A RELATIONSHIP” with my faithful eternal Bridegroom, Jesus Christ.
– Liza Sison, Core Servant, PWF
Liza taught during the event on Forgiveness for the Praying Wife Forum on June 29, 2019.