Q: If so many words come across as nagging to husband (specially one on a season of being prodigal), what is right thing to say and how to manifest a gentle and quiet spirit?
If your husband told you that you nag, fast and pray to God; ask specifically for wisdom and discernment on WHAT to say/ not to say; HOW to say it or not say it (sometimes silence can come across as a weapon if “silent treatment”); WHEN to speak.
[Read Esther 4:16 on how Queen Esther fasted for 3 days before uttering a word to her unbelieving husband.]
[Seek to do these to please God only (Gal 1:10). Do not expect any positive response from husband while the Lord is still working on him.]
Commonly welcome non-threatening words from wife:
*Affirmation: any sincere positive comment (Ask God’s help to see any positive thing) be generous with praise specially within earshot of others Phil 4:8
*Sincere thank you for anything you can be thankful about (did he do something for you or kids or household) 1 Thess 5:18
*Expressions of love 1 Cor 13/ Rom 12
*Expressions of blessing Rom 12:14
*Anything good “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12 NIV
*Sincere gentle smile
*Acts of Service
*Gift(s), even pancit or a food he likes
*Open, kind facial expression, body gestures, tone and volume of voice
*Not doing what you know he dislikes
UNMENTIONABLES aside from the Nagging List
*his sin whether current or past
*his weaknesses (he is the first to know what his weaknesses are)
*disrespectful, dishonouring words
- These are best for you to tell God (and biblical mentors but NOT a sinning husband) : your fears, expectations, demands, commands, inquiries, problems, insecurities, suspicions, accusations
Guideline: Jesus, what would you want me to say if you want me to speak at all?
Reminder: Aim towards positive, light, non-threatening, respectful communication.
God is your Healer/ Restorer/ Counselor. He wants you whom He created in His image to be like Jesus, giving Him glory.
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Eph 2:10 NIV