Am I A Nag? —- Four words towards overcoming this habit depicted in God’s word as sin.

Who do you think is the best judge of whether or not we are nags?

If the husband has referred to us as nags, it is worthwhile to step back and ask God if we have indeed been guilty. Holding on to nagging is costly; it could be a hindrance for the Lord to listen to our prayers.

“If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.” Psalms 66:18 NIV


“It is better to dwell in a desert land than with a contentious woman and with vexation.” Prov 21:19 AMPC

“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than to share a house with a disagreeing, quarrelsome, and scolding woman.” Prov 25:24 AMPC

“A continual dripping on a day of violent showers and a contentious” Prov 27:15 AMPC

“The contentions of a wife are like a continual dripping [of water through a chink in the roof].” Prov 19:13b AMPC

“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman.” Prov 21:9 AMPC


Submission without a (negative) word” [1Pet 3:1-4] doesn’t mean complete silence with an unsubmissive heart attitude. You can appeal / request/ ask/ pakiusap respectfully.

But “without a word” drives home the point that it is not words that win over others to the Word, to Christ Himself and His ways; rather, it is the behaviour, attitude, gentle quiet spirit, Spirit-filled/ positive/ building up (non-preachy) words that are not of the flesh but are aligned with the Spirit of God.

What matters more to God than the act of submission itself is the inner spirit. Will God count lip service or external compliance as “submission” when the heart is despising, hating, cursing? Even silence in the context of silent treatment can be a form of combat.


“Submission without a word” boils down to submission to the authority of God Himself.


It further boils down to one’s heart condition. When it comes to the Word Department, the heart of the matter is really the matter of the heart.

“You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” Matt 12:34-37 NIV


1. Heart Overhaul

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalms 51:10 NIV

And circumcise (get rid of excess flesh) it.

Circumcise your hearts, therefore, and do not be stiff-necked any longer.” Deut 10:16 NIV

2. Settle all issues— your sins, your past, your present, your future, your frustrations, weaknesses, your identity in Him, the battles you face, etc. —- with Jesus, your Heavenly Husband who rules over everything. Jesus is the one who is all-knowing, all powerful, everpresent. Don’t put your husband in Jesus’s place to be the cure-all, solve-all, unlimited spring of love devotion understanding provision wisdom and everything on earth. What human can take that pressure? What human will not want to flee from that pressure?

Only Jesus is “far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church,” Eph 1:21-22 NIV

3. Present all requests to God

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:6-7 NIV

4. Ask God for the Holy Spirit’s filling, a guaranteed answered prayer according to 1John 5:14-15. “Be filled with the Spirit.” Eph 5:18b NIV

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” 1 John‬ ‭5:14-15‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Fruit to watch out for to check if we are filled with the Spirit:

Galatians 5:22-23 AMPC “But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is:


*joy (gladness)


*patience (an even temper, forbearance)


*goodness (benevolence)


*gentleness (meekness, humility)

*self-control (self-restraint, continence)

If the opposites (hate anger despise, depression sulking moodiness gloom, revenge argumentativeness strife anxiety worry, impatience pressure repetitiveness judgment threats ultimatums, rudeness accusing controlling convicting blaming weariness quitting, suspicion scheming deception manipulation, unfaithfulness disloyalty putdown maligning smear-campaigning, abrasiveness, unbridled emotion) are the ones manifesting, go back to Number 4.

5. Seek God’s wisdom in how to be the wife God wants you to be. When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect,defer to, revere him–to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].”1 Peter 3:2 AMPC


1. Command (Instead, you may request)

2. Compare with others (Instead, you may look for ways to affirm any positive step in the right direction)

3. Complain (Instead, you may respectfully request for what you need)

4. Control, whether or indirect (Instead, you may pray and present your ideas then allow the person to decide)

5. Convict (Instead, you may pray to God whose job it is to convict people of their wrongs)

6. Criticise (Instead, you may ask God for wisdom on how you can point out the good, respectfully suggest ideas without attacking the person)

7. Cross-examine

8. Direct (Instead of directing like a mother of a child, you may pray for ways to encourage his leadership)

9. Disrespectful gestures, sounds, facial expression

10. Make in my own image- has to conform to what I want or else

11. Mocking words or attitude

12. Preach (instead, pray to live out your faith by godly action, not words; consistent Christlikeness)

13 Sarcasm (Instead, you may opt to shut up)


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